In the Land of the Blind...

God's plan, apparently.

Well hello miscreants.  I am back after a two-month hiatus.  I am definitely wanting to be more prolific with this blogging thing, and I will definitely do my best to update more regularly, so let's get right to it.

The big event in the political blogosphere is of course, Rick Santorum dropping out of the race.  He cited his ailing daughter's health as the deciding factor, amidst growing pressure from party elders to drop out after Romney handed him his ass on a platter in last Tuesday's primaries, basically securing the nomination.  Considering Santorum's nonsensical "half-time" concession speech, this was somewhat unexpected, even as his prospects were looking grim.

I am often amused to see how the news media reacts to major political events, and quite frankly I'm surprised to see how positive the narrative is towards Santorum's candidacy.  It's not even coming from FOX News or Politico, but left-leaning outfits like Slate.  Their article is glaringly positive, and Rachel Maddow herself (one of my favorite liberal commentators) described Santorum's campaign as one of the most "impressive" in recent history.

Even if she couldn't pick a more unflattering picture.

It's no secret that the media likes a close race.  It's more dramatic, therefore better for ratings.  They endlessly speculated the idea of a brokered convention, pining for a long, bloody, contested battle but against their best wishes, what they got was a primary race settled in Romney's favor by the highly anticlimactic and unexciting way of the delegate count.  That's like the horny kid in a Seth Rogen movie that came to the big party expecting an orgy but got a handjob instead.  So, no wonder they're pumping up Santorum's presidential bid; because it supports the "fight to the death" narrative they'd been salivating about.

Newest correspondent for FOX News.

There is one huge, glaring omission though.  Santorum's campaign was anything but impressive.  Actually, it was a clusterfuck.  His organization was lackluster at best.  He failed to get on the ballot in Virginia, Washington DC and Indiana; a grave mistake for any presidential campaign, in addition to delegate counting issues in Ohio.  Even Ron Paul's undeniably grassroots effort has not fucked up that badly.  Santorum's fundraising was also anemic and his campaign perennially strapped for cash, seemingly bankrolled single-handedly by cartoonishly Texan oil billionaire Foster Friess - the "Aspirin" guy.

As for the candidate himself, Santorum proved himself to be a one-trick culture war pony in a campaign where the economy is the underlying concern.  He maintained a stubborn focus on social issues, gave little in the way of an economic plan, and defended his voting record in favor of stimulus spending; a deterrent for so-called "fiscal conservatives" looking for a candidate with more economic heft.  In the end, Santorum's out-of-touch religious extremism,  dickheaded statements, gaffes, blatant untruths, hissy fits and criminally ignored instances of "what the fuck was he trying to say?" (skip to 34:32) rendered the guy absolutely unelectable beyond the primary.  Seriously, this dude spent most of his time doing damage control, either explaining or defending some shit he said.

"By 'FREEDOM' I don't mean 'freedom'.  I mean, I'm going to 'free' you from porn, science,
homosexuality, birth control, and any semblance of a secular society".

In actuality, Santorum was never a "real" contender; he was only the one with most staying power out of a revolving door of colorful, substitute teacher-like conservative alternatives to Mitt Romney.  Bachmann, Cain and Perry all dropped out before any real voting commenced, and Gingrich's momentum was short-lived, so that left ole' Ricky here to be the de facto flag bearer for the ultraconservative.  Simply put, the base doesn't really like Santorum; they just hate Romney.  They are desperate for someone else.  Anyone.

Pulse optional

Santorum's perceived "success" and viability as a candidate is ultimately a reflection of the present state of the Republican party and the obstinacy of its base rather than any real competency from his part.  His appeal was pretty much limited to evangelicals and other social conservatives, considering his primary wins were narrowed down to heavily religious, blue-collar states where Romney was not expected to win.  Michigan was a close call and a sort of embarrassing victory for Romney (if you're running for President, it doesn't look too greatly if you can't carry your home state in your party's primary) but it looks like he was gearing up to repay the favor in Santorum's native Pennsylvania. I'm just speculating, but it's reasonable to assume that Santorum's supporters were those conservative voters too distrustful of Romney's Mormon faith and New England moderate background and too disenfranchised by the establishment to just fall in line, but too turned off by Gingrich's troubled personal history and ethical hiccups to make him the viable conservative alternative.

So, what's next?  I don't know.  Santorum was pretty defiant and adamant just last week about carrying on until the convention, consistently hammering Romney on his shifting positions, so it's doubtful an endorsement will be immediate.  That is not to say a deal was not struck though.  Romney was not in any danger of losing the nomination, but Santorum was in a position to really cause some damage by prolonging the campaign, so a Romney cabinet position in exchange for stepping down seems plausible.  Who knows?   I do know it will be hysterical when Santorum has to inevitably endorse Romney and call him "the right guy for the job" or some shit like that, after all that was said and done.  It will be an incredible display of mental gymnastics.

I will concede  that Santorum was hugely successful at upping the visibility of his brand and message, but not through skill or charisma, but rather a drawn-out process of elimination combined with sheer dumb luck.  He has a spot at the table now, and his voice will be heard by virtue of being the last guy left standing, even if he never had any legitimate shot at the Presidency.

Because, let's be honest, if your name becomes synonymous with "ass juice" in the public consciousness, you're simply not going to be President.

Again, this is why you don't say God asked you to run.  Because if you lose, you look like
an even bigger asshole.  You can practically see in these kids' faces their belief in God being
crushed under the weight of electoral defeat.